Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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