they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the day after is always just damage control
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
