i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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