My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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