You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
