Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
