Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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