why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
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