You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
