Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
