I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
