Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
