I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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