I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I need to stop coming to work sober
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
