and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
