i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
