Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
