I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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