Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
