Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize