I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
