Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
