How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
