Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
