He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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