I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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