I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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