I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
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