Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
