I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
