He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
