i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
