she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
