you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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