Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
