i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
