The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
