So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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