This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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