And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize