$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
