Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
