Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You need Xanax blowdarts
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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