there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
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