Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
