Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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