WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
