I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
