very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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