I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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