I smell stomach acid.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
