It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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