I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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