i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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