I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
