All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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