at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
