we're blogging at a bar
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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