Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
