my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
what is it with giant penises always finding me
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
