Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
