cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize