He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
