I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
