do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
