Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
