The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
