I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
