I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
