I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
