I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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