everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
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