May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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