Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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