she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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