I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
